Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Leaving part of MY HEART in MALAYSIA

It’s hard to describe the feeling when nobody there for you to talk to. To be truth, I’m quite wasting lots of money just to call peoples in Malaysia because nobody in Dubai that I can talk with.

It’s quite horrible being a human that difficult to understand by others. It is more complicated when I’m also not understood who I am, what I want or what I can get. I just wish I can get what I want but at the moments, God seems like doesn’t make it for me.

Last night is very hard for me; I can’t sleep at all, keep thinking of someone who I just should forget. It’s like every hour I suddenly wakeup and the first thing appears in my mind is was killing me very hard. I really miss him..maybe some of my friends will kill me if they know that I’m still give hope to this guy….but what I can do?? I can’t control myself and I really can’t let him go.

Then straightly two faces that I’m always missed appear inside my mind…my grandmother and grandfather. This two are the only person that tides me to go back to Malaysia. This is the only people that can grab my intension and all my concern. I was grown up by them and even I did not know what’s the feeling be in a family with real father and mother. I just assume that they are my parents and I don’t bother to know who’s my parents. What did I know is, my father had passed away on 1991 and my mother are living somewhere. Maybe if my grandfather and grandmother passed away, I would not go back to Malaysia anymore…but only god knows what would happen.

I’m losing my energy and focus, I try to avoid everybody, not because people do not friend with me but I just afraid if they be my friends, I would fall in love with them….so to prevent that to happen..i just being alone…maybe its not a right way to do..but at the moment..i think this is the best way….

It’s quite a very hot day in Dubai today, almost 43 degree during noon and I just completed my 14th class for my driving. I just got a new instructor, quite fussy and it’s kind of nervous when I start driving. Having lunch with Hadie, my schools mate during University. He just joined my department 3 days ago…well, I think he still remains the same person compared few years ago..

My day continue with all the meetings and amendment of drawings, until then..i’ll be back for a new episode…

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