Saturday, October 25, 2008

Sick saturday

Today is Saturday and it was my first working days after had a long vacation…I came at 1.00 pm with mamat and had our lunch at Pizza hut…I’m quite blur and sad…not because of the hard times that I had before but it was about a little misunderstanding last night…

I’m hoping to much on something that I can’t get and it make me crazy…Its hurt when I just be in the fantasy and don’t want to faced the reality…I wish that some one would understand me and give his love to me…but it was not achieved to what did I aspect..

I was expecting that you would motivated me and built up back my spirit…but you just hurt me more and being selfish…..its totally different and I just can’t accept it…I just sad until I feel regret to be born in this world….yes..I’m weak and I do hope that you satisfied…

I have to know the reality that no one would love me as the way that I want..and I still eager to find one…when I’m lost..I’m hurt…why can’t god just give me some happiness and stop testing me on my journey in life….I wish that I would die instantly because I can’t keep hurting myself…I do believe that some of my friends face the same and some were happily live ever after…

People can easily say a words and asking me to change…you may said that I’m stubborn…Do I have to follow what you say just to show that I love you…you want me to sacrifice things that I can’t ever be for your own satisfaction and when I can’t ever make it…you would also blame me..
I was not capable to do what did you asked…..it’s not because I’m can’t do but I don’t want to be hypocrite and sacrifice myself for the things that I don’t like…I don’t want to hurt more feeling and being fake in all my life…..I just choose to be what am I today…and I wish that I would die before you leave me…

It was my hope to have you as my cure but you gave me poison in my life….its better for you to take a knife and just kill me…to be truth..I don’t bother whether I live long or live until tomorrow because all my life was in sorrow…God had cursed me to live now in what I am…Thanks for all words that you’ve said to me and I just keep it at the bottom of my heart…..I afraid to know people if this was way its ended….

Until next post…

2 comments:

Kakak Tiri said...

I feel you, Mie.

Hugs.

Recipes and Landscapes said...

Hi there,

I read your blog, and I wish I could try all those great dishes you show (love food) and see the many sights you're seeing. Work sounds long, but from the wonders Dubai is creating, you are making history with every new building and complex. Wow. Never been there or to your home, Only China, Hong Kong, Singapore, S. Korea, Thailand and Cambodia, One day I hope to go there to. Keep writing, I think I know how you feel and the challenges ahead for happiness. It has not been easy for me as well - but slowly it has come and finally I see beauty and happiness in all things. Take care, Saylan